BREAKING: ALICE IN CHAINS CAUGHT SKIPPING NAP TIME

The daycare called. They want their tricycles back.

It’s the ultimate rockstar rebellion. Alice in Chains, the kings of grunge, are causing chaos — and it’s nap time. The daycare’s calling, the tricycles have gone rogue, and there’s no stopping the madness. These legends aren’t here for finger painting and storytime. They’re here to shake up your sense of reality.

Layne Staley: “I may be the man in the box, but today… I’m the menace on wheels.”
This isn’t your typical “grunge god” energy. Layne’s out here, wheels spinning, grinning like he just wrote his darkest anthem. Forget the chains, it’s the tricycles that are dangerous now.

Jerry Cantrell: “Still not sure if this is a band photoshoot or a Mario Kart tournament for emotionally unstable rockstars.”
Jerry’s deep in thought, probably wondering how they got into this mess. Was it the nostalgia of the ’90s? Or was it just the need to prove that grunge is a lifestyle, not just a sound? Either way, he’s got that “I’m too cool for school” vibe but with a touch of confusion — like someone just handed him a juice box he wasn’t ready for.

Mike & Sean: “Just out here vibin’, waiting for juice boxes and a mosh pit.”
These two are the chillest rebels you’ll ever meet. They’re not in a hurry; the vibe is everything. Between sips of juice and awkwardly avoiding the finger painting station, they’re plotting their next big riff — or maybe just deciding which Goldfish cracker flavor is the best.

Grunge rule #1: Look like you’re either about to drop a platinum album or destroy a preschool.
It’s not just a look — it’s a way of life. Grunge is more than flannel; it’s that awkward mix of extreme intensity and suburban chaos. You’re either destroying a stadium or you’re over there trying to find out how much Snack Pack pudding you can get away with before it’s too much.

🍼 Powered by angst, fueled by Goldfish crackers.
Because nothing says rockstar like a mixture of childhood nostalgia and pure, unfiltered angst. Alice in Chains didn’t need caffeine to get hyped. Nope. All they need is the simplicity of snacks and the complexity of not giving a damn.

This ain’t Nirvana. This is NAP-vana.
Get ready for the rock revolution… one tricycle ride at a time.